When I wrote my last column about Ryan Jenkins's alleged murder of his wife, Jasmine Fiore, I got an interesting response online.
Someone believed that Fiore deserved what she got for the way she treated Jenkins. Her behavior was apparently a good reason for her to expect a violent outcome.
News reports said Fiore maintained friendships with several of her former flames and might have had physical relationships with one or more of them.
She should have known better than to cheat on a psychopath, apparently.
News reports also said Fiore repeatedly insulted Jenkins at a poker party the night before her disappearance. She also should have known better than to insult him.
Obviously, this behavior was grounds for her to wind up mutilated in a dumpster, right?
This response shocked me. Not because I do not know that people have these sorts of reactions — I am well aware that they do. But, because people usually do not intimate them, refusing to come right out and say them.
As a culture, we tend to blame women for being the victims of violent crimes. They should know better because men will take advantage of situations to do us harm. We should protect ourselves from them.
I would love to see this attitude change. Women do not deserve to be harassed, stalked, raped, beaten or killed no matter what they have worn, said, imbibed or done. The worst a woman — or anyone — deserves is to be broken up with. If Fiore behaved in a way that was unacceptable to Jenkins, he should have broken off their relationship.
She should not have wound up in a dumpster mutilated to the point where police used the serial numbers on her breast implants to identify her.
I say this not only as a woman but also as a survivor of sexual and physical violence.
I have spent years in therapy trying to figure out what I could have done differently to avoid being raped by the first person I was ever involved with. But, it was not my fault. I was the victim of a predator. Now, I am a survivor.
When I was 14, I was a shy, awkward and unpopular girl. When a 20-year-old man I met at a friend's house paid attention to me, I was over the moon. I did not know how different 14-year-old girls were from 20-year-old men. So, I started dating him, and he started brainwashing me.
He convinced me to lie to my parents about his age, job and schooling. He sent me lavish presents and followed me everywhere I went. The only thing I had done to get his attention was to be in the wrong place at the right time to meet him.
Within a month, the unwanted sexual activity began, and it lasted for almost two years. After the relationship ended, I successfully prosecuted him. He was sentenced to two years in prison for the two years of my life he stole from me.
However, he only served a year and began stalking me upon his release — even showing up at my high school graduation. Luckily, the police department quickly helped me get a restraining order.
As difficult as it was to endure, the most difficult part was and continues to be my father's reaction to the entire situation. He blamed me. He told me that I should have known better. He did not support me prosecuting my abuser and did not come to the trial.
For years, his attitude kept me from healing. It still holds me back. It was something I was unable to resolve with him before he passed away from lung cancer nine years ago. It has taken me much of that time to work toward forgiving him.
Unfortunately, my father held an opinion many hold when dealing with victims and survivors of any kind of violence. He assumed that I must have said, done or worn something that led my abuser to abuse me. My father assumed that a 14-year-old girl was savvy enough about men and sexuality to make her own decisions about her body.
Sadly, he is in the majority, not the minority. I did not do anything that made me deserve the abuse I received. I didn't know my own rights over my body. What my father never understood was that my choice was taken from me. I was powerless. But he blamed me, assuming that I could have done something different.
Fiore did not deserve to die anymore than I deserved two years of sexual abuse. No one deserves rape, violence or death no matter what she has done or to whom she has done it.
Karen Sisk is a Ph.D. student in creative writing. She received her MA in English literature at Wright State.
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2. After getting to know each other, tension begins to build...typically jealousy begins to happen
3. Explosion. Whether it's physical, emotional or verbal. It does not matter. There is an explosion. Then, the cycle begins again. After the punch or name calling or whatever...the abuser becomes that perfect person that they were in the beginning by showering that significant other with gifts and love. Promising to make it better. Promising it will never happen again.Now I'm sure that someone wants to say something like...well it's their fault for taking the other person back after that situation. When you are in a relationship with someone you had feelings for, and someone you love(d)..you WANT to forgive them and you WANT to believe that it will never happen again. None of us here know, but maybe Fiore was staying in contact with Jenkins because he was telling her something like, "If you do not tell me where you are, I will kill you." Even though she put him down in public...How many times ddo you think he did that to her before he killed her?! Maybe she felt like she was safe enough in a public place and around people to be able to do that and he would not be able to hurt her when there were people around. In the end, we will never all know the full story of what happened, but NEVER should murder or abuse be justified. Never. It is a vicious cycle that sucks one in and is nearly impossible to get out without the help of those around. Fiore was probably seeking help from people around her, she TRIED to get out. But when you have one person that wants nothing but you, they will do what they can to get you. And that is scary. As for Karen's story and the way that Jay says she "allowed" him to do these things. No. For that first month, he was pefect. He flattered her and made her believe that he really truly loved her. In all of this, her abuser KNEW that she was young and naive. He KNEW that she wouldn't understand, and that's why he took advantage of her. It's the cycle of abuse all over again. The honeymoon phase where you believe that person is the love of your life...then tension starts building and in Karen's case, it was the need for sexual things that she was unsure of, then an explosion...which lead to rape and probably verbal abuse. In her case it was even harder for her to get out because no one even knew of her relationship because he had convinced her to lie to those around her. This is ridiculous that people are saying that Fiore had this coming. No one should have anything like this coming. No one.
"But according to reports, local Branford authorities investigated Clark in 2003 after a girlfriend claimed she had been forced to have sex with him and feared what Clark might do if she broke up with him."
"Annmarie Goodwin, a woman who was Clark's neighbor in Branford, tells ABC's "Good Morning America" that Clark was "very controlling of his girlfriend. He wouldn't let her talk to me, or anything."These guys sound like they're cut from the same cloth. Watch out for them - Bundy was supposed to be a real charmer...
To Cathryn: for some reason your comment bothered me more than most. I couldn't help but notice that throughout you described the victim one of two ways depending on what you were trying to argue at the time. You either referred to her as a FOURTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL (all caps to emphasize her youth and naiveté) when you wanted to blame her parents or you referred to her as a woman when you wanted to blame her. She can't be both at the same time. She's either an unknowing girl or matured woman who according to you should "know better." The point being made is that no matter what, SHE nor her parents, are to blame for some sick man's deeds.
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